Mar
31
Using Facebook To Get Laid
Filed Under Dating Advice, Dating Wizards, New Products, News | 2 Comments
Seems that everyone’s on facebook these days. And guys are constantly writing in asking whether that’s the place to be to find chicks for lays, well, check this article on retrosexuals (people who uses facebook to hook up with past sex partners):
She:
A few months back, one of my best friends from high school slept with the guy to whom, years earlier, she had lost her virginity. This time around, though, Suzanne wasn’t 16 and they weren’t in her parents’ basement — instead, they had wild sex in a Las Vegas hotel room. Around the same time, she got it on with the first love of her life, a boy she met during high school, and whom she hadn’t seen since he finished breaking her heart during her sophomore year of college. After reconnecting via Facebook and G-chat, they met up, and eventually hooked up.
These two incidents were hardly unique — last year she extensively mined her past for present romantic encounters.”In 2008,” Suzanne unabashedly shares, “I only had sex with two new people, but I never went longer than nine days without having sex.” There was really only one word to describe her (no, not that one). She had become a retrosexual.
The neology is obvious: retrosexuals are people who rewind their own lives, digging into their past to emerge with a current romantic partner. So, too, is the cultural context: like chicken-noodle soup or Beverly Hills 90210 DVD compilations, retrosexing lures its participants with promises of familiarity — a comforting concept that’s hard to come by in these complicated times.
A retrosex episode can fall into two major categories, with some subsets: a one-time hook-up or a longer-term romance. The textbook retrosexual, the perfect specimen, if you will, is the former — someone like Suzanne, who hooks up for casual sex with someone he or she knew in high school. Within this group are two narrower classifications: some retrosexuals, like Suzanne, have been there, done that; others might be reconnecting with old friends but hooking up for the first time.
Here’s an example of a conversation a classic retrosexual might have:
Retro: “I made out with Jon Whateverhisnameis last night!”
Friend: “Jon Whateverhisnameis? That guy you drank vodka with / gave your first blowjob to / studiously ignored at the 11th grade homecoming dance?”
Retro: “Yes! I ran into him / friended him on Facebook / saw his name on a mass e-mail a few weeks ago, and we’ve been chatting — he’s totally great now! We hung out last night and ended up sucking face in an alley.”
Friend: “Weird.”
The other type of retrosexual is someone who romantically reconnects with someone from their past, but not necessarily someone from high school or college. Ex-sex, in other words, but not sordid, desperate, we-just-broke-up-last-week-and-I’m-so-lonely ex-sex. More like, hey-let’s-try-this-again ex-sex. Or, old-habits-die-hard-for-a-reason ex-sex.
Beyond these broad definitions are finer distinctions, such as those who retrosex and then wish they hadn’t (call them “regretrosexuals”), or those who hooked up years ago and have no desire to be reminded of their past romantic encounters (see the sidebar “Fretrosexuals,” by Jeff Inglis).
Typically, the retrosexual must be 25 or older, because true retrosexing calls for some degree of reconnection or rediscovery, not to mention experience. Retrosexing is more common in large cities, where the chances of randomly bumping into an old friend or lover are always higher.
The popularity of social-networking sites — okay, really just Facebook — has made retrosexing all the easier. Whereas potential retros used to have to wait for their five- or 10-year high-school reunions to have old acquaintances fall into their lap, now they can simply search Facebook for high-school classmates and fellow college alumni, and re-establish contact without too much gumshoeing.
Why we turn back
Finding each other on Facebook might be how it starts. But how does retrosexualism gain traction, prompting the transition from innocent reunion to romantic attraction?
Consider Gillian and Chad, both 26, who never dated, but were part of the same circle of friends in high school. Their fledgling relationship epitomizes the most common type of retrosexualism: now that they’re older, they’re reconsidering a previously unexplored romance.
After graduating high school, they ended up at different colleges and lived for several years in different cities. They saw each other occasionally over the years, but neither one ever contemplated romance. Then, about a year ago, both of them ended up in New York City, where they started seeing more of each other in larger groups, gradually planning one-on-one meet-ups. As they became familiar with each other’s adult self, Gillian and Chad increasingly drew nearer.
Recently, they started dating. And while a romance when they were younger would have been unlikely (she was a bit too serious for his class-clown self), Gillian thinks she knows why she went retro.
“As we get older,” she wrote in an e-mail, “it becomes easier to retrosex . . . with old friends, because we’ve more or less finished ‘growing up’ and have less to prove to each other about our lives outside of high school. I also think we’re more likely to be impressed by our high school acquaintances . . . because we’re often surprised by their accomplishments. It’s like, one day you meet somebody, and they’re no longer the dork or loser or loudmouth in high school — they’re a professional man. Which can be intriguing and appealing.”
(The reverse can hold true, too. That guy who was hot 10 years ago might not have held onto his good looks, yet somehow he hasn’t lost his appeal, because you’re “still seeing them through the lens of their high-school appearance and persona,” says another occasional retrosexual, 26-year-old Sarah.)
Regardless, it’s easy to find yourself falling for someone with whom you share a history, whether that history was meaningful (you were involved) or fleeting (you were in the same biology class).
Gillian, who has had two retrosexual encounters over the past few years, describes the strange intimacy of hooking up with someone you knew as a teenager: “There’s a level of familiarity . . . that can actually make things awkward at first. Like, you’re seeing this guy who you’ve gone through so many years with, but now you’re both naked. [It] can be almost comical. . . . But it can also be amazing, because there’s this sense of connection that, although it might not be a true love connection, is unique in that there’s a finite number of people in the world you knew in the high-school context.” (For Chad’s thoughts about all this, keep reading.)
Indeed, that comfort and connection is the whole reason that retrosexing is so appealing, says Massachusetts love expert Paul Falzone, the CEO of the online and in-person dating companies eLove, Together Dating, and The Right One. In these rather desperate times, with the economy particularly terrible for young job-seekers, and the specter of Middle Eastern crisis looming large, all we can be sure of is that we can’t be sure of anything. “Society is going to see more [retrosexing] happening than in the past,” says Falzone. “It’s security, it’s safety, it’s bringing back old feelings that make you feel young again. People are resorting to things they’re familiar with, that they’re comfortable with.”
Of course, that same sense of familiarity is what so often drives us back into the arms of ex-lovers — even more recent ones. Callie, 29, recently reignited an old, extinguished flame after a three-year hiatus. When they met up for beers, after years of relatively sullen, angry silence, she expected a mere friendly reunion. But the outcome was quite different.
“When we saw each other, the chemistry was immediate and intense,” she says. “I remembered both why we were together in the first place and why we’d ended. There was the comfort of the shared past. We had an immediate ease with each other — one that was both relaxed and extremely exciting. A feeling of new romance, with the added benefit of having known each other extremely well. The nervous, fluttery, exceptionally turn-onable [feelings], combined with knowing each other’s backgrounds, likes, dislikes, senses of humors, families, etc.”
It makes sense that retrosexing is so appealing to twenty- and thirtysomethings, who otherwise feel adrift in their quarter-life malaise: participants are being permitted to regress. Romancing with people you already know cuts out one of the most harrowing elements of adulthood — forging new personal connections.
“[F]or the first time in your life, you are not automatically surrounded by people your age who are doing the same things you are doing,” wrote Abby Wilner and Catherine Stocker in their 2005 book, The Quarterlifer’s Companion:How To Get on the Right Career Path, Control Your Finances, and Find the Support Network You Need To Thrive (McGraw-Hill). “The challenge of meeting people and making new friends is one of the more common themes in the [quarter-life crisis] community.”
Combine the ease of Facebook socialization with the relative effortlessness that comes with chatting up old acquaintances, and you’ve got the lazy man’s dream-dating scenario.
Comfort levels
As with any unique type of relationship, the retrosexual one has its quirks. For one thing, it can be difficult to tell what’s romantic and what’s friendly, especially if the reconnection is made with a platonic premise. After all, archetypal implications of “dating” — like offering to pay for dinner, e-mailing or texting just for fun, or casual physical contact — are the province of friends and lovers both.
“You’re very hesitant to make your move,” says Chad, the 26 year old who recently started up a retrosexual relationship with Gillian. “You’re afraid you’re going to misinterpret signals. You’re not sure if what’s happening is romantic or not. You don’t know whether you should attempt to kiss the person.”
“The flip side,” he continues, “is when you actually do make some sort of move, you’ll be able to be really bold, because you already have a certain comfort level.” As a result, all those superficial worries — Who will pay? When will she call? Was that brush of the hand a mistake, or was it intentional? — become less nerve-racking.
Another complication can be the inevitable shared-friends group. Not only will the retrosexual duo make waves depending on how, whether, and when they spill the beans about their rendez-vous, they’ll also likely grapple with knowledge of their partner’s past intimate experiences. (In fact, this might lull some people into a false sense of security — as though knowing part of someone’s sexual past might make sleeping with them less of a health risk.)
And the better you know someone, the more dangerous it is if something goes wrong. Josh, 28, who sheepishly shares that he’s recently retrosexed with at least three women, acknowledges both the benefits and drawbacks of hooking up with someone you’ve known forever.
“The best part of that is the comfort level you have with someone beforehand,” he says. “Because you know the person, and if the timing’s right, it can be pretty cozy. The danger, though, is that afterward, things can change, and if you’re not careful, you might lose your friend. Which sucks.”
That is exactly what happened to Ellen, a 35 year old who recently found herself tangled up with an old friend from her junior-high days. When they first bumped into each other downtown, it was amazing, she recalls. They laughed and had a great time. When they finally had sex — once — it was awesome.
But Ellen had recently emerged from a four-and-a-half-year relationship, and wasn’t ready to jump into something new. She told him so. The dude’s extreme negative reaction (we’re talking aggressive e-mails, misogynist talk) was a shock, which made Ellen realize that, while he might be a cool friend, his romantic persona “wasn’t the sweet person I’d thought he was. We simply cannot be friends.” Perhaps if they’d never retro’ed, they could have preserved their relationship by avoiding romance.
Look at me now
As exciting as it can be, retrosexing isn’t all fun and games. The emotional implications of these blasts from the past can run deeper.
In some cases, retrosexuals seek to achieve something like vindication, or triumph, through their experience. Consider an accomplished, sexy woman who felt significantly less confident in high school — and allowed that lack of self-esteem to color her relationships with guys. These days, if she rekindles an affair with someone who shunned or mistreated her, she revels in having the upper hand. At the very least, she makes sure it’s an even playing field.
“A lot of it is about . . . feeling like I can correct for ‘mistakes’ in the past,” explains Suzanne. “Not just showing off an adult sexuality, but also being able to alter and correct for the power dynamics of years ago. With both S. [the heartbreaker] and J. [the Vegas fling], [her modus operandi] was kind of a, ‘Look at me now’ thing, like somehow, by virtue of seeing them and sleeping with them again and not caring about it, I was reaching back and repairing the hurt that had been done to me in the past.”
She, um, elaborates: “Like, yeah, ‘Look who’s all grown up and hotter than you now, bitches, so why don’t you shut the eff up and eat my pussy for the next three hours. Eff it . . . for the next three days. You’ve got a lot of making up to do for all those bj’s in high school.’ ” (Forgive her, she’s actually a very charming individual.)
And reconnecting with old lovers, ones who you shared time with later in life, can be even more fraught with confusion. Here’s what happened with Callie and her former beau after their brief renaissance: “The insecurities that I linked with being with him, ones I thought I’d gotten over, re-emerged. The casual re-exploration began to beg the question: ‘What are we doing, are we getting back together?’ which led to hard talks and confusing wants. [A]s we spent more time together, the reasons we’d originally broken up became louder than the reasons we’d been together.”
Still, upon reflection, Anne pinpoints the undeniable appeal of the retrosexual sex-perience.
“I don’t regret the reunion,” she adds. “It was a necessary final chapter. Impossible to resist for the combination of the new-ness and the familiarity.”
Callie might not be a regretrosexual, but she could have been. Indeed, for every retrosexual fairy-tale ending (They exist! We have Facebook status-change evidence!), there’s a regretrosexual one — which suggests that, even when it comes to love, very rarely can you go home again.
Mar
26
How To Pick Up Girls In Cafes
Filed Under Dating Advice, Dating Wizards, News | 1 Comment
Watch this video…
Good pick-up 
Mar
23
Flirt Mastery – Steve Scott
Filed Under Dating Advice, Dating Wizards, New Products, News | Leave a Comment
Quick story…
About 2 months ago, I was approached by a guy who claimed to have one of the first products completely devoted to FLIRTING. (Yea right!) He even said his guide was the only thing a guy would need if he wants to talk to women and get them to like him (lame).
Being the usual skeptic, I was like “whatever…”, I mean, what else was I supposed to say? Over the years, I’ve gone through TONS of different courses on dating, attraction, etc (all sent to me for reviews) and most of it was either JUNK or was usually the same ol, same ol..
But this dude, he was a little different; really persistent and kept insisting that I run through his materials despite the many times I told him “no!”…
In the end, I caved, I thought “what the heck” and gave his stuff a shot..
From the get go, everything dived straight into flirting; the hows, whens, whats and why’s…
… and I liked it! 
And since you’re “part of the gang”; a valued member of our newsletters, I feel I’ll be doing you a dis-service if I don’t at least tell you about it because I personally think it’s REALLY important to only recommend someone whom I think truly “gets” the concept of talking to women and building sexual chemistry.
So take a minute to check this page out:
Oh yeah, btw, the dude’s name is Scott. We’ve been pretty tight ever since that first encounter, he’s a RIOT to hang out with; I’ve seen him in action with the ladies many a time, and I’ve to say — he really walks the talk.
To sum it up, his techniques are simple, practicle and most importantly; it’s DO-ABLE.
Unlike other so-called ‘experts’ who teach far-out, over-the-top techniques that makes you look like nothing but an ASS in front of women, Scottie reveals SIMPLE tactics that can be used in ANY conversation with women.
Whether you’re talking to a girl you’ve just met or to someone you’ve secretly loved for YEARS, his advice is PERFECT for any situation where you want to flirt andcreate sexual attraction.
The entire “Flirt Mastery” course contains 283 pages of QUALITY content that gives you specific, step-by-step detail about how to flirt with women.
What’s great is you can immediately get your own copy and learn these techniques in the next few minutes here:
Enjoy!
Mar
23
How To “Romance” A Woman
Filed Under Dating Advice, Dating Wizards, General Rants, News | Leave a Comment
Good post from Donovan. Read it…
You’ve probably noticed that I don’t talk about the idea of “romance” very often.
There’s a good reason for this.
I think that most guys use romance in completely the wrong way, and in the process screw up their chances with the woman that they are interested in. I’m going to take some time here to talk about my personal perspective on romance, how it is misused, and how to use it to really make a woman feel attracted to you. Most guys make one of two main mistakes when trying to be “romantic”:
1) They try to use romance to CREATE attraction.
2) They use TOO MUCH romance, thinking that more must be better.
Let me ask you this… What does romance mean to you?
I’m serious. Think about it for a minute.
Does romance mean gifts and flower?
Does it mean fancy dinners?
Does it mean candles and soft music?
To me, romance is about showing a softer side of yourself… a more thoughtful side… in a way that is meant to INCREASE the woman’s attraction for you.
Like I just mentioned, most guys either try to use romance to CREATE attraction, or they do too many things in an attempt to “be romantic”, and the effect is lost.
Here’s a quiz:
In general, would a woman think you were more romantic if you:
1) Brought her red roses every time you saw her.
2) Brought her one flower the fourth time you saw her, but it was her favorite flower, in her favorite color.
…???
Here’s another one…
In general, would a woman think you were more romantic if you:
1) Took her to a fancy dinner every time you saw her.
2) Didn’t take her to dinner, but one night cooked her a favorite dish that your mom taught you and told her the story of how it came to be a family favorite?
Do you see where I’m going with these examples?
“Romance” is all about the context of the situation. In other words, little things that are thoughtful, used once in awhile will make FAR more of an impact than trying to do everything you possibly can all the time.
Have you ever seen a T. V. show or movie with a girl holding a flower, pulling off each petal one at a time and saying, “He loves me, he loves me not”? This is a famous cliche… even Madonna does it in her old “Truth or Dare” movie.
What’s going on here? And why is it now such a famous idea that it is almost universally known?
Because it strikes a chord inside of women everywhere! Every woman can relate to the idea of thinking about a man and wondering if he’s thinking about her. Pulling petals off of a flower and saying, “Heloves me, he loves me not”, is just another way of saying, “I can’t stop thinking about this guy and I’m going to keep thinking about him until I know how he feels.”
As you know, if you’ve read past newsletters and/or my ebook, I think that it’s important to CREATE this kind of situation as much as humanly possible. Now, here’s where romance fits into the puzzle… If you’re doing things that you considerto be “romantic” all the time, then she has nothing to wonder about… nothing to think about… there is no challenge or mystery at all.
On the other hand, if you use romance more carefully and keep her on the edge of her seat, so to speak, then a small romantic gesture will cause her to feel GREAT feelings of attraction inside… and cause her to work even harder to get and keep your attention – BECAUSE SHE’LL TRY HARDER TO GET MORE OUT OF THIS ROMANTIC SIDE OF YOU! So what are some things you can do, that women see as romantic, without going overboard?
Well, if you want to do the typical things like flowers, gifts, music, poetry, etc. then do as I said earlier: Use them VERY infrequently. Tease her, bust on her, treat her like a bratty little sister most of the time, then out of nowhere do something thoughtful. But make sure to stay cool when the emotional reaction comes!
She’s probably going to be very happy and want to know “where that came from.” Just tell her that you were thinking about her and move on to the next topic. Don’t get all mushy, dude. By the way, if you’ve gone out with a woman 47 times, and you don’t know if she likes you, and you’re now thinking, “Oh, hey… great idea! I’ll buy her a flower and she’ll feel attracted to me…” then get a new idea.
Romance isn’t a way to make a woman feel attracted to you.
Romance is a way to AMPLIFY attraction that is already happening.
Read that last part again… DON’T TRY TO MAKE A WOMAN FEEL ATTRACTED TO YOU WITH ROMANCE!
Attraction is created by factors other than gifts, dinners, flowers, etc. If she’s not feeling attracted to you, then showing her that you’re attracted to her probably isn’t going to change it… in fact, it may just push her away.
I know, I know… you once heard about a guy who pursued a woman for 9 years until she finally gave in and married him. Well, that might work, but I don’t have 9 years (unless it’s Cindy Crawford… yeah, I know she’s like 50, but she’s STILL hot).
Earlier I mentioned a couple of great ideas. You can cook her a special meal that has meaning… and tell the story behind it. Stories are romantic, especially if the story contains a love story.
And small gifts can be romantic as well (I don’t like big gifts because they change the dynamic of the relationship and can create all kinds of feelings that it’s a trade of affection for money, etc.).
If you pay attention, a woman will mention something that she really likes. It could be a kind of flower, a kind of music, an author, etc. If you want to be romantic (after you know that she’s attracted to you) you can get something thoughtful then write a card that says, “I was thinking about you, and I found this… thought you would like it. Kiss Kiss.” Use romance as the spice, and not the main dish. Use it to amplify, not as your main strategy. Romance combined with the techniques that I teach is a VERY powerful combination.
HOW TO CREATE A SETTING THAT AUTOMATICALLY CREATES AND AMPLIFIES ATTRACTION…
We just talked about how most guys either have no clue about romance, or they use it too much… which screws up everything for them.
There is one aspect of romance that I have found very useful to know more about and use. It’s the concept of how to create a SETTING that will create more of a feeling of attraction inside of the woman that you are with.
WARNING: What I’m about to share with you is not a magic bullet. It’s no substitute for a cocky, funny personality and great skills. Using this alone will not make you successful with women. With that said… I’ve found that there are a few things you can do in your immediate environment to “accelerate the mood”, so to speak, when you are with a woman.
Women have very active senses… usually much more so than men.
If you have already sparked the attraction between you and her, introducing certain sensory stimulus will usually increase the attraction, and can lead to a more, shall we say “physical” demonstration of that attraction.
Mar
20
The REAL Rocky Story – By Anthony Robbins
Filed Under General Rants | 1 Comment
When I first heard it, I was like “wow”.
What a story… Check it out:
Pass it around if you like…