Jun
1
The ‘Key’ To Becoming GREAT With Women
Filed Under Dating Advice, Dating Wizards, General Rants, Internet Dating | Leave a Comment
I’ve been doing coaching for as long as I can remember now, and it still amuses me to see how guys are still writing in, always asking & looking for that one special “trick” or “line” that would ultimately get them to “seal the deal” with the women their eye-ing for.
Of course it’s totally understandable for us as humans to crave for “quick-fixes”, as opposed to taking the traditional, much slower route of banging against the wall, making mistakes, learning from those mistakes, analyzing what went wrong, refining & then “sharpening” those skills to mastery.
But the reality of it is, whether you like it or not, mistakes are an ESSENTIAL part to accelerating your learning process.
As long as you’re trying something new, as long as you’re doing something you’ve never done before, there aill always be a possiblity for you to fumble and make mistakes.
You might get nervous, you might say the wrong things, you might get clumsy and do the wrong things and it’s OK.
Mistakes happen as you’re out of your comfort zone. It’s an annoyingly umcomfortable feeling at first, but that’s exactly how you expand your horizons and grow.
That’s how we as humans grow.
Getting rejected, banging your head on the wall, etc is something you MUST go through in order to get better at this game.
However you hate it, IT IS STILL A MUST!
… no shortcuts.
Now, as men OF COURSE it sucks getting rejected, blown off, made like a fool in front of the women we like when things don’t go our away.
“How could I be sooo stupid!”
It kills our egos, it burns our confidence, it shakes our self-belief, it sucks the life in us, the energy within us, makes us feel useless, powerless, and stupid sometimes… but you know what?
There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they’re necessary to reach the places we’ve chosen to go.
Mistakes are the BEST way to learn, it FORCES you to learn, it reminds you of the PAIN you went through and it makes you not want to go there… ever.
Ever.
So, go on, take chances, make mistakes. That’s how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.
My personal life motto:
Dare to dream, dare to explore and dare to grow.
Think about it: If you don’t make mistakes, you don’t make anything.
So the next question that normally comes after this is “But I hate that feeling and I don’t ever want to go there… what it does is it kills us… and it’s not easy taking blows, one after another… it’s the aftermath, the dealing with it that’s the hardest…”
Yes, it’s true, it is DAMN hard… no one says life was fair, nor is it easy…
But here’s the thing: If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call ‘failure’ is not the falling down, but the staying down.
A man’s errors are his portals of discovery.
Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes.
Now, I’m not asking you to actively go out purposely looking for rejections, all I’m saying is that it DOES happen, you’ve got to be ready to face it when it does come and not run over to the corner, cry and complain that this isn’t what you’ve signed up for.
Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.
Do you want to be that guy?
I hope this posting helps.
I’ll talk to you again soon…
Your partner in crime…
Simon Heong
Mar
20
Adventures Of A Pick Up Artist
Filed Under Dating Advice, Dating Wizards, General Rants, Internet Dating, New Products, News | Leave a Comment
I’d like to share a short post from Brad (Adventures Of A PUA)…
One of the best things I learned from PU was to stop thinking about what other people are doing, and concentrate on yourself. Stop thinking about how much everyone else is getting laid, and concentrate the success that you’re having. If you constantly compare yourself to others, you will constantly find ways in which you come up short.
One of the problems a lot of my students complain about is that they are not getting laid as much as their friends. This is ridiculous for a couple of reasons. Firstly, you have no real idea how much your friends are getting laid, and it’s highly probable that they will be talking up their sexual exploits rather than talking them down. Secondly, everyone around you has to deal with their own challenges and problems to succeed, and these may differ a great deal from your situation.
A rich and successful investment banker may feel jealous of a barman who appears to live a care free life with the luxury of time on his hands. Where as a barman may feel jealous of the banker who is rich and successful and has a structured life. The fact is, whatever you do, there will always be someone who is out performing you in some area, be it money, job satisfaction, or having more fun.
There is no point constantly comparing yourself to others as this is will never result in contentment. If you go out with a ‘10’ someone else will eventually come along with a more attractive girl on their arm, and all of a sudden your girl is less good looking by comparison. This shouldn’t bother you, and instead try to concentrate on the fact that you have a gorgeous girl on your arm without making it a competition.
Be content with yourself and what you’re doing, and don’t worry about how many women Russel Brand is bringing home every night, and don’t let ‘Nuts’ magazine convince you that everyone out there is having threesomes with impossibly good looking women. Concentrate on yourself and what you’re achieving. The best way of doing this is to record your progress, so that you can look back at where you were months or years ago, and feel content in how far you’ve come and what you’ve achieved.
Think about it…
Jun
13
Online personals and dating can be a very fun venue towards meeting that special someone. However, one’s safety should still be the top priority.
Did you know that most online dating services do not pre-screen their users?
This means that they cannot ensure that the people you meet through their sites are safe enough to be dealt with. So, this makes you call the shots when it comes to screening them.
There is a discussion on Eliminating Dating Fraud where by SateDate.com and DatingHeadShots.com have created an alliance in an effort to promote safe dating online.
Another precaution is to get a anonymous phone number—a Vumber. Mark Brooks covers it here.
Before the rules of the game are set, here are a few tips to make online dating less risky and more fun:
1. Anonymity Breeds Safety, For Awhile
Giving your real email address, personal web site URL, last name, phone number, place of work, home address, or any other information that identifies you in your profile or first few emails that you exchange with other members makes you an easy victim. Turn off your signature file, or make sure that it does not have any identifying information, when sending emails to a member through your own email.
2. Photo Perfect Request
To give an idea of the person’s look, thus make you a tad safer, request for a picture. A scanned photo won’t cost so much, so no excuse can be given for not doing it.
3. Lean on Common Sense
Trusting your online acquaintances easily can make you easy bait. If your gut feel tells you that someone is lying, there’s a big chance that you are right. Look for someone that deserves your trust. Online intimacy is very dangerous. Don’t indulge yourself in such endeavor at the click of a mouse. Logical thinking will save you a lot of trouble.
4. Call First, Don’t Drool Just Yet
A person’s skills when it comes to communicating can be easily gauged through a phone call. Though it might cost you some moolah, it is worth it to make sure you don’t fall for someone who is anti-social. However, to make things a lot safer, use a cell phone or a pay phone instead of using your land line. Unless you are absolutely comfortable with the person you are calling, don’t give your home phone number at once.
5. Delay the Meeting
It is advisable to take your time and get to know the person as much as possible first before saying yes to a face to face meeting. If he seems to be only spouting or keying saccharine words that you want to hear, the person on the other end might have a questionable honesty. Don’t feel like you are obligated to meet anyone, you still have the last say on whether you are ready to meet the person or not. You are free to change your mind if anything feels not right.
6. Psychoanalyze or End up with a Psycho
You should pay attention to any signs of intense frustration, anger or any displays of aggressive behavior. If the person is trying to control or pressure you, stop the communication. Here are the other alarming manifestations of bad behavior that will make you aware that you are in danger.
- giving dubious info about appearance, age, interests, profession, marital status, etc.
- refusal to converse with you over the phone when you have already established online intimacy
- consistently not giving any direct answers to direct questions, etc.
- overly agreeing to your every statement
- asking you to provide travel arrangements
7. Offline Meeting
Before meeting your online friend, tell someone reliable where you will go and when you will return. Leaving your date’s name and phone number is a good idea. Bring your mobile phone. Don’t allow your date to pick you up at home. Have your own transportation and meet somewhere public. During the date, don’t leave your drink unattended. After the date, leave on your own too.
To make online dating work, it is imperative that you exercise caution. Have ample time to get to know the other person, don’t rush yourself or allow anyone to rush you into doing anything. It’s better to be safe and dateless for a while than sorry.