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Simon Heong is widely regarded as one of the most respected & foremost Dating & Relationship Publisher.
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Hi
I recently stumbled upon your site and I was wondering if you could help me with a problematic situation that I’ve found myself in.
I’m in a very, very tough situation with a woman. She’s someone I actually can see a future with, but things are getting ultra messy (by the day)
About 5 months ago, I met a beautiful and successful woman via a social networking site. We started talking over our love of a film and writing, soon were emailing each other daily and finding many common interests that we shared. Our emails turned into Skype sessions and before long we became extremely close as we found that our personalities were in sync. We then planned to meet each other (I live in the UK and she lives in the USA)
So I flew out to see her last month. Upon arrival, I came on way too strong and uttered the words “I love you” on our first face to face date (Crazy, I know)
This led her to having a conversation with me the next day and telling me that she didn’t feel any chemistry between us and she wanted us to just be friends.
I have to admit this hurt very much because honestly, we had spent many months connecting on an emotional level and during that time we connected (through our words) very deeply. She even used to say things like I was the man she’s been looking for her whole life and she loved my strength, calm and confidence.
Honestly speaking, this is exactly how I actually am in my daily life and with women and my career. I am very independent and confident, all traits that I naturally have. I was like this with her through all our emails and Skypes and I know she found this side of me attractive. Yet, when I got to the US, I acted way too needy and maybe in some ways, put her on a pedestal. I guess it’s because suddenly I found a woman who “ticked all the boxes” so to speak.
Before I went to the US, she was so sure about me that she stopped dating other guys and asked me to hold off from seeing other women until we met.
I think by the time I met her, I had all this pent up attraction and it came forth in a tsunami of emotion when we met.
So anyway, we had this chat of just being friends on only the second day I was out there.
Now here’s the confusing part. After the chat, we started hanging out nearly every single day for 3 weeks. When we were out, she would hold my hand and hug me a lot, she would want to come back to my room and watch TV, but every time I moved in for a kiss, she would get annoyed and say “I just want to be friends”. She would then meet me the next day and it would be a case of going in circles again.
She then introduced me to her mom and family. Whilst I was at her mom and families house, she would keep stroking my arm and back too.
On other occasions she would have conversations with me and tell me how she thought we were Soulmate’s, but not on a romantic level.
If I ever tried to convince her (bad move, I know) that we are great together, she would get upset at the heavy conversations I was subjecting her too.
Then if I’d talk to another woman and make them laugh (I’m actually normally good at being flirty with women, apart from with her) she would come over and hold my hand or put her arm on my shoulder or back.
Now I know this sounds like a case of a woman that may seek attention or like to tease, but she’s not like that at all. She’s very confident and has her life and personality together.
Yet, when we were together, she’d act like she wanted romance, but if I moved in for a kiss, she would get annoyed and on some occasions act very hurt?
After 3 weeks of this peculiar behaviour, I returned to the UK. I’ve been back several weeks now. Since being back, she’s kept in contact with me, by emailing like before, but little things like the “xoxo” that used to end each message are gone. The frequency of the emails began to decrease on her part. Yet she still kept insisting that we are Soulmate’s and she sees our future as being “forever intertwined”, but as friends.
Then about 5 weeks ago, I dropped her a long email telling her that I really wanted more than friends. I didn’t mean it to sound like an ultimatum, but I’m sure it was interpreted that way.
Her response was to angrily reply and tell me to drop my wishes for a romantic relationship with her and she also said if I carried on “pining” for her, we shouldn’t even be friends.
I then responded by sending a long email back and telling her that I know we are meant to be together and she needed to wake and see that fact.
She didn’t reply to my email and I haven’t heard from her up until now.
To say I’m confused would be an understatement.
I honestly love this woman, but I don’t want to lose her.
I’m not sure how to proceed with this relationship. Do I email her again? Do I ignore her a little? I will do whatever it takes to win her back, I just feel so confused, where before I went to meet her, I felt like I was in the driving seat, or at least we were in the same car in this relationship, so to speak.
Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.